oh wow. look at how long its been since i've last updated. KHAI QI actually inspired me! lolokayy. umm i need smth nobody reads anymore. or at least smth people dont tell you they read. sooo, my blog it is(:
hi blog, long time no see.
the last time i blogged was like during os i think, like before th geog paper.
since then i just tumblred. so im back
because i need a place to let go.
something's eating me up inside.
and unlike other things, quite a few people actually know why.
Im not me anymore.
I tell people whts wrong.
Simply because it hurts and i just dont know wht else to do.
and no, its not a good thing. it means im not fucking me. so fuck it. oh faggot fuck.
I've put myself in a vulnerable position,
a dangerous one;
months back. when i decided to let go, and trust.
no, i dont regret.
only that when you come to think about it,
it just hurts.
but was it worth it?
yea. definitely/ but still
it hurts.
and now i may have very well physically hurt myself than do this.
nobody has the right to change someone.
nobody has the right to tell someone that's not what youre supposed to do.
nobody has the right to say that's what i dont like about you, so change it.
maybe it wasnt said directly. maybe it was indirect. but it was done anyway.
and damn it, you dont have the right to do this. to walkaway. to leave. to decide its over. (is it? well, you left me clueless either way)
but you did it anyway didnt you?
i'm left with nothing. maybe you didnt leave me with nothing
but look at it straight--i'm still left with nothing.
well, nothing but this something that hurts. that's painful, tht's agonising, that's excruciatingly oh fucking pain.
this is rage.
it is an outcome, a result of being hurt.
and typing it out doesnt change anything.
it doesnt change the "what it could have been" thought
it doesnt change the longing hope that it all soon be over; that you'll return/
and it doesnt change this painful soul
so heres to th fake smile.
the mask.
the facade.
its back.
say hi.
you want to decode?
go ahead, try.
the KUWS people left on monday):
we went out together then send them off in the airport. will never forget them, had such great fun tgether(: miss them all ready. they've been great teachers and brought great guidance to all of us! tkband>3 kasetsartWS :D
i dont have any pictures of them in my phone except 2 section photos,1 with new and another 1 with some clarinetist. the rest of the pictures i took is in someone out there's phone/camera and i will never get to see it unless im tagged on fb :/ haha
jannah is crazy over new and nadz, over doe! hahah:D i think New is the nicest among th trumpeters! he has a wonderful character tht i only knew of fr th outing on monday.. many cried tht night, when we were sending them off but i didnt. i guess im not good at attaching myself so quickly. but tht doesnt make me heartless. right?
ihopenotidk la..
random: sometimes i always bring myself to wonder whether there is someone out there who believes me, trusts me and knows me better than i know myself and if that person will one day meet me, get to know me and all. i hope so//
i think i've had many awkward moments where im alone with 1 person and there's total silence. it feels so weird:/ and people who are close to me should know by now tht i dont talk unless im being talked to. (applies only if im alone with 1 person) otherwise, i talk like no tmr(:
okayy. random post:D gtg, night;D