breaking a pretence

Monday, January 3, 2011 7:46 AM

oh wow. look at how long its been since i've last updated. KHAI QI actually inspired me! lol

okayy. umm i need smth nobody reads anymore. or at least smth people dont tell you they read. sooo, my blog it is(:

hi blog, long time no see.

the last time i blogged was like during os i think, like before th geog paper.

since then i just tumblred. so im back

because i need a place to let go.

something's eating me up inside.

and unlike other things, quite a few people actually know why.

Im not me anymore.

I tell people whts wrong.

Simply because it hurts and i just dont know wht else to do.

and no, its not a good thing. it means im not fucking me. so fuck it. oh faggot fuck.

I've put myself in a vulnerable position,

a dangerous one;

months back. when i decided to let go, and trust.

no, i dont regret.

only that when you come to think about it,

it just hurts.

but was it worth it?

yea. definitely/ but still

it hurts.

and now i may have very well physically hurt myself than do this.

nobody has the right to change someone.

nobody has the right to tell someone that's not what youre supposed to do.

nobody has the right to say that's what i dont like about you, so change it.

maybe it wasnt said directly. maybe it was indirect. but it was done anyway.

and damn it, you dont have the right to do this. to walkaway. to leave. to decide its over. (is it? well, you left me clueless either way)

but you did it anyway didnt you?

i'm left with nothing. maybe you didnt leave me with nothing

but look at it straight--i'm still left with nothing.

well, nothing but this something that hurts. that's painful, tht's agonising, that's excruciatingly oh fucking pain.

this is rage.

it is an outcome, a result of being hurt.

and typing it out doesnt change anything.

it doesnt change the "what it could have been" thought

it doesnt change the longing hope that it all soon be over; that you'll return/

and it doesnt change this painful soul

so heres to th fake smile.

the mask.

the facade.

its back.

say hi.

you want to decode?

go ahead, try.