loving in silence

2011-01-03T07:46:00.000-08:00

oh wow. look at how long its been since i've last updated. KHAI QI actually inspired me! lol

okayy. umm i need smth nobody reads anymore. or at least smth people dont tell you they read. sooo, my blog it is(:

hi blog, long time no see.

the last time i blogged was like during os i think, like before th geog paper.

since then i just tumblred. so im back

because i need a place to let go.

something's eating me up inside.

and unlike other things, quite a few people actually know why.

Im not me anymore.

I tell people whts wrong.

Simply because it hurts and i just dont know wht else to do.

and no, its not a good thing. it means im not fucking me. so fuck it. oh faggot fuck.

I've put myself in a vulnerable position,

a dangerous one;

months back. when i decided to let go, and trust.

no, i dont regret.

only that when you come to think about it,

it just hurts.

but was it worth it?

yea. definitely/ but still

it hurts.

and now i may have very well physically hurt myself than do this.

nobody has the right to change someone.

nobody has the right to tell someone that's not what youre supposed to do.

nobody has the right to say that's what i dont like about you, so change it.

maybe it wasnt said directly. maybe it was indirect. but it was done anyway.

and damn it, you dont have the right to do this. to walkaway. to leave. to decide its over. (is it? well, you left me clueless either way)

but you did it anyway didnt you?

i'm left with nothing. maybe you didnt leave me with nothing

but look at it straight--i'm still left with nothing.

well, nothing but this something that hurts. that's painful, tht's agonising, that's excruciatingly oh fucking pain.

this is rage.

it is an outcome, a result of being hurt.

and typing it out doesnt change anything.

it doesnt change the "what it could have been" thought

it doesnt change the longing hope that it all soon be over; that you'll return/

and it doesnt change this painful soul

so heres to th fake smile.

the mask.

the facade.

its back.

say hi.

you want to decode?

go ahead, try.

2010-02-16T05:53:00.000-08:00

NOBODY DOES IT THE WAY WE DO

MONDAY WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY HOLIDAYS:DD
iloveyouBMPTK(:

//even if it takes an eternity of persuasion, i wouldnt let you go.

i guess i just feel very protective of them

dont ask me why, it just took years of getting to know

you'll get th answer right.

next time, you dont even have to think about it.

you wont be let down

nobody will. i promise, as long as its in my hands.

i'll continue to pray, i'll continue to seek god's help.

im just afraid tht fear will run up by my side,

just as we're about to make it fast.

dont leave me behind

2010-01-18T06:13:00.000-08:00

haii. so everybody waited for years, and so did i.
but i dont see the urge.
i dont feel like saying anth.
i feel like forgeting.
and i shall continue to believe that
" I just havent met you yet "
987 has "make-a-wish-monday today"
i wish i could have smiled genuinely today.
i wish i didnt have to put on tht fake smile evrywhere i go, so i wont offend people.
i wish i could be me.
now that its coming to an end, i begin to think of th start.
recently, i've been constantly reminded about my miserable sec1 years.
and how from then on i was convinced NO ONE would accept me for being me. till now, im only me with 2-3 people in school.
other then tht, you can say, -ive been faking it all the time.
i feel miserable and left out in _____. i hate it.
i wish i could be well accepted like the rest or maybe understand and speak _______.
so what if i write it here, i dont mean to offend.
but no one reads anyway, soo, whatever. k off for the night. bye.

oh and, people, dont be so dumb. if you want to confess, you should've done it 2 years ago. not now, when she's leaving and you know very well tht it'll just cause a heartache. good luck anyway(:

2010-01-02T08:18:00.000-08:00

okayy. change of mood(:
india pictures!

2010-01-02T07:58:00.000-08:00

it sucks when the person you counted on th most disappoint you just like that:/

it takes just 1 small step to do soo much to a person.
"make do with what you got." i hear myself say alot these days. i guess its time i learn to take my own advice. so thts exactly wht i'll try to do.
despite th fact tht there will still be the slightest part of me tht desires for something else.
too bad, huh?
one of the biggest fears i face:- DISAPPOINTMENT

i can stop running. i get it when its over.
i know how to take th cue when i know its mine.
and thats exactly what i'll do.
so get out of my face and
STOP SAYING YOU DONT FEEL LIKE IT. CAUSE NEITHER DO I.

2009-12-22T03:01:00.000-08:00

BACK FROM INDIA! -like dontknow how long ago-.- hahah

it was okayylaa. only th snow part was a bit fun and the seeing new lifestyles was interesting. other than tht; got dizzy rides up th himalayas and crazy staring fr people and freezing temperatures
:[ tooo lazzzyy to elaborate,
like anybody will care to read, soo//

anw, life is boring. havent touch my h/w :P except for 1 question :D

NADZIRAH is out of th country D: i think she coming back tmr?? not sure/

im stresssed out in band. cause im practically clueless aft missing pracs. haii
ok. as you know im a v.v.v. lazy person, so wait long long for th india photos ah:D

2009-12-02T05:39:00.000-08:00

the KUWS people left on monday):
we went out together then send them off in the airport. will never forget them, had such great fun tgether(: miss them all ready. they've been great teachers and brought great guidance to all of us! tkband>3 kasetsartWS :D

i dont have any pictures of them in my phone except 2 section photos,1 with new and another 1 with some clarinetist. the rest of the pictures i took is in someone out there's phone/camera and i will never get to see it unless im tagged on fb :/ haha

jannah is crazy over new and nadz, over doe! hahah:D i think New is the nicest among th trumpeters! he has a wonderful character tht i only knew of fr th outing on monday.. many cried tht night, when we were sending them off but i didnt. i guess im not good at attaching myself so quickly. but tht doesnt make me heartless. right? ihopenot
idk la..

random: sometimes i always bring myself to wonder whether there is someone out there who believes me, trusts me and knows me better than i know myself and if that person will one day meet me, get to know me and all. i hope so//
i think i've had many awkward moments where im alone with 1 person and there's total silence. it feels so weird:/ and people who are close to me should know by now tht i dont talk unless im being talked to. (applies only if im alone with 1 person) otherwise, i talk like no tmr(:
okayy. random post:D gtg, night;D

2009-11-25T06:24:00.000-08:00

KASETSART UNIVERSITY WIND SYMPHONY
WOW. they are such fun people! all of them are very nice and friendly:D now i cant wait for concert(: there are 7 trumpets! all of them are great. so what if we kena owned, they are such great teachers to us! then other sections all got problem communicating, cause we cant speak thai, but my lucky section has the existence of a chidOchokchai :P hahaha jkjk:D so we communicate with success! its soo cool how music brought us together. Despite th fact tht we face problem speaking th same language, we understand each other and soo many things can still happen! AWESOME. yay

anyhoo/ friday is hari raya! so abrupt and got no raya feeling sia. its ok, lets just wait for raya to see what happens. ~anxious.

2009-11-23T06:53:00.000-08:00

WOW stressed.
saturday was farewell. it was a success. (or at least i think so) cause i didnt exactly eat in silence like last year-.- hahah. performance was fun:DD ABRA! hahahhaha pictures, please refer to facebook! hah im too lazy. some performances were cool like fatin's.. something different(: and th beyonce dancing one was hilarious too:D

anyway: sunday i finally got a shoe for INDIA. ~ yup, tht's where im going for holiday. hahah
ok. dont laugh:D anw, dont ask me for things cause th place i going no shopping(: unless you want rocks or leaves or frozen branches or something like tht heh, its like minus something degrees over there :/ scared ah

and today, hmm nth i want to talk about(:

2009-11-06T07:32:00.000-08:00

"it wouldnt matter even if i had to wait so long"

is that something i can only say? i dont even know if i mean it.

went PP with "boring people" hahaah jkjk i mean nadz, shahirah and farahin:D

funn! anw, we spent most time in cotton on then left. WOW parkway cotton on now damn big! its now next to esprit. dah jadi my favourite shop(:

oh, we saw malaque!(SI) she was trying on stuff then when she left th fitting room she recognised our uniform,(since she's fr TK) then,

farahin: say hi la..

me: hi malaque~quite softly, not realising she heard~

malaque: ~turns to face me, give me the "do i know you"look, then wave and smile back.~

hahaha, KOOL, yet funny..

2009-11-02T02:40:00.000-08:00

YAY! im finally done editing the template:D
hahah, "twisted with potentially fatal legacy" made tht up myself, i dont even know wht it means:D but it sound nice!

2009-10-29T04:42:00.000-07:00

people! dont bother the rest of my stuff like th profile and exits and tagbrd. i havent correct it yet.

2009-10-28T01:02:00.000-07:00

One summer, Nate and I- we must have been 8 and 12 or so- set off for the Wyatt cornfields, where we liked to play hide-and-seek . We headed over there on our bikes, and it was a late in the afternoon, maybe early evening. The sun was well on its way to meeting the horizon in a ball of pink-and-crimson fire, the sky still light in that dusky half-glow, in which colors seem richer, subtler.

A group of neighbourhood kids had gathered in the fields, and Benji Tuckerson was "It". He closed his eyes and counted to fifty as we spread out and burrowed beneath the cornstalks, which were fully grown, sprouting a jungle of leafy foliage to camouflage us. I waited, crouched beneath the corn at the most distant corner of the field. I waited and waited.

I listened to the shrieking yelps of laughter as other kids were discovered. I felt smug, congratulating mysekf for finding such a good hiding spot. i heard the singing of the crickets. Still, I waited. Twilight was descending, and the sky turned indigo; I could see the evening star. Soon, the cries of other kids faded, and my chest began to feel tight with panic.

Where had everyone gone? I wondered. Why hadn't Benji found me? Why hadn't I heard the game called? I stood up, and my legs shook from kneeling for so long. I started walking, but shortly realised i wasn't moving toward the barn. Ibecame disorientated and frightened. The cornfield when on for acres, and I couldn't see in the gathering darkness any longer. Tears began to fall from my eyes, and I couldn't catch my breath. I was so scared, I began to run. Suddenly, Nate was there.

"Hey, Squirt! Are you okay?" he asked, his eyes scrunched with worry. "I've been looking for you forever." I just shook my head, sobbing now,and Nate picked me up. Then he carried me out of the maze of corn. "It's okay, i found you," he said. I buried my head in his neck and cried and breathed in his scent, suddenly relishing how safe i felt. How loved.

adapted from a map of the known world by Lisa Ann Sandell
Nate was her brother. He died in a car crash.
She felt safe, loved and protected; just exactly how i'd love to feel.

2009-10-07T22:10:00.000-07:00

the day i saw cruel destiny.

i lost her. she is gone. she left me all alone destroyed by my high hopes of seeing her babies. how could life be so cruel? she was pregnant dammit.
in th drain, wet and dirty./ i couldnt even bare to see it. my poor cat. she touched many lives and left the way she came :/ i miss her. and its only been 3 days. haii.. come back,

2009-09-03T05:55:00.000-07:00

cause everytime iget stuck, the words wont fit.

life's like that. its unfair. but still i havent gotten used to it. haii,
unapproachable. thats how i feel. cause im drifting apart fr my closest friends, one by one. and im the only one to be blamed. for nt having been there.
i guess im just not best friend material huh/

im off to watch criminal minds.
tv is my only best friend nowD:

2009-08-17T07:15:00.000-07:00

now i know what people mean by blogger sucks! i cant even see th icon to edit my post-.-/ haii. anw to lighten up by blog i shall give a normal post. the tagboard's dead btw.. someone help me bring it back to life please:D

im suppposed to study history but ive decided to take a brake (: heh
just now english damn fun! played with stella koh cause mrs koh>> (as in cherlyn koh, hahaha) left aft the first period! yahoooo.
lol.
so we were at 3G classrm, nearer to th windows side. we were betting on whether the next person to walk pass the water cooler is a girl or a boy. then which leg th person will use at th water cooler and whether or not the person will go toilet.etc etc. damn stupid and krazy~ but damn FUN> hahha.

then then got 2 banglas painting the ceiling-.- at th water cooler.[th sch soo smart dont want paint class/ walls but want to paint ceiling.]haha anw, while we were waiting for ppl to walk past th water cooler, th banglas thought tht we staring at them then they smile -pervertly- at us!! AAARHH. scary hahhaa.
but damn funny(: LMAO hahahahhaha. kk. thts all folks. nxt time i post more(:

2009-08-13T07:24:00.000-07:00

HELLO
hmm, life has been... stupid.
hate it. haii. seeing how fun and fulfiled some people's lives are, seems so sad and pathetic on my side.
how come? i know saying "unfair" just doesnt seem right cause its just too bad my life sucks. its no one's fault but myself right.
oh well.
no use saying anth to He who can do everything abt it but simply chooses not to. thanks huh.
hai.
now i know th true meaning of putting a fake smile in front of everything you just have to hide.

The truth is hiding in your eyes
And it's hanging on your tongue
Just boiling in my blood,

All the games you played
The promises you made
Could't finish what you started
Only darkness still remains

He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

And though I cannot see You
And I can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life

You're part of me
and though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

`i cry myself to sleep

2009-08-05T05:36:00.000-07:00

she tries to smile. but even you know, when youre not okay; smiling becomes the hardest thing to do.

i walk as if non existent. as if i was an invisible soul. the shouting continued,like it would even when im not around. she could not think. even i can tell. but he, he could not see, even the greatest of hints. he only saw, the slightest of mistakes. but greatest of hurt and pain became invisble to him.

This time she keeps it to herself. thinking that it'll be a burden, thinking that i wont forgive him. in fact, i would. i would forgive him, but i cant forget.
//20 years, she tries to be perfect. but now it only proves- practice may not make perfect all the time huh?

God, you hear her cry, every day and night. how could you have ignored those longing cries from your helpless soul for soo long, i can only imagine. God, help her.

TO THOSE WHO READ MY BLOG AND TELL ME THAT IM EMO: im not emo. its just tht sometimes, when you need someone to confide to, you might just need one that listens and dont respond. because sometimes, that one thing becomes better than everyone else. and that one thing, becomes the only source of confidement.

2009-08-03T07:33:00.000-07:00

BTW!!! all the time of my posts in my blog is wrong! hahaha, you think i no life is it? wake up in th morning just to blog hahah(: k bye!

2009-08-03T07:32:00.000-07:00

25 UPON 25 for AMATH (!!!) HAHAHAHAH
peace out people.
the person who doesnt study can get full marks haha :P
just now yanqi wanted to say "smiley face" then she said "SMELLY face" HAHAHHAHAAH! damn funny:D
lol. wt a random thing to rmember(: but thts all i remember abt today. haii/ bye

2009-07-31T08:35:00.000-07:00

STOP AND STARE.
hmm, i guess im used to being rejected and broken:/ even life repels me now
WOW

2009-07-24T07:37:00.000-07:00

ever had one of those times where you just dont care anymore? like you gave up all ready? nobody's listening anyway right? hmph/ like life's got nothing left to give. as if anyone bothered looking to see what changed anyway. as if anyone gives a bloody damn about wt you fucking do.
argh/// because everytime i look at you, youre looking at her. its useless to bother anymore. why did i care?btw i dont anymore. so stop looking at me as if i do and leave me fucking alone; like you always do anyway.

2009-07-15T06:20:00.000-07:00

oh mannnnnnnnnn! quarintined!! under leave of absence!
sucks people
im soo damn bored.
btw, ayg was a failure.
closing ceremony was fun
ngee ann city was kool
and band fiesta is cancelled! ROAR!
of all th things, i was looking forward to band fiesta th most!!!! i wanted to perform with sec 4s one more time!!! why cant time just rewind? then i'll kill all pigs! then no h1n1.
stuupid pigs.
first, you killed my 'supposed to be best of th best year'
second, you put so many people's lives in danger
third, you put my FRIEND'S lives in danger!
fourth, i miss lessons cause im under LOA
fifth, i can't go brunei, i cant go netherlands
sixth, i can't perform one more time with sec 4s!!

sheesh!
PIGS!
you ugly, incompetent pieces of fat! IHATEYOU!

2009-07-01T04:13:00.000-07:00

okayy. im soo lag in my post, but nvm.

lets talk about the failure-d section study. after full-dress rehearsal of a pathetic runthru, where misterSHANNON TAN MUI MUI run out of, we practised band fiesta songs den bla bla bla. and

we're off to sect study! people who came: [sec 1: terence sec2: fatin, sri, ananta, derek sec3: azk (eat only) shannon, haziqah, richmond and me sec4: quanfeng and jitxin] we went KLP to eat (sexistly) and kallang stadium to study.

well, at least i did a-math and read a book! hahah. unlike shannon who was trying to squeeze th story out of haziq-AH! haha :D jitxin left for th preview thingy. and we stayed. anw, obviously, we couldnt study all th way, so we gt tired and derek needed to pee, so we advised him to pee on the grass. (like he will) hahah, so agn he was too scared so me haziqah, shannon and terence followed him back to KLP to go toilet and went coldstorage. BLABLABLA.

went back stadium and talked with haziqah and shannon, then qf joined. rich ananta and sri left at abt 5 plus. then jitxin came back, and we continue talking alot of stuff. GUESS WHAT?! SOME SECURITY GUARD LET US IN TO TAKE PIC IN TH NATIONAL STADIUM, WHERE I FREAKING "KENA OWNED" (in quanfeng's words) HAHA. I EFFING CLOSED MY EYES IN TH PIC!!! ROAR! hahha whatever-.- anyways aft tht we walked to the kfc at the mcdonald there.. then eat and left to go home :D

2009-06-24T04:02:00.001-07:00

i've been thinking. sometimes i wonder why i bother. sometimes i only want to let go, just give up. people dont listen. when they do, no one recognises. maybe its because i'm not doing my job well. haii. fine. whatever.
:/
ANW, wednesday-
went do h/w with vinnie, nadzirah , han yan and elise at bedok macs! ~woots
at least i gt more amath done! hahah.

yesterday(thursday)-
games day! it was supposed to be fun but some EFFING SPOILER teacher must end by 5.30!! wtf?!?!?! when we dreading in th field, u make us end at 6.30 but when we having fun, u end earlier! what's your dang problem, u stayed at 6 plus also wt???? then whats wrong if we just continued? bloody hell!!!
SADIST!

2009-06-16T06:50:00.001-07:00

im sorry. im sorry i had to shout. im sorry i had to be angry. but if only you guys could understand. if only you guys can put yourself in my shoes. i cant afford to not care. i cant say i dont mind anymore. please take this as wake up call. if you think its bad, you know whts not th wake up call is going to be worse; so put in your effort. not just in saying "yes" but to not forget. im sorry if wht im asking for is too much. im sorry if its impossible to get. but i can only wish you guys would try and maybe give a damn! please. dont say you dont care. its not going to work. not anymore.

2009-06-11T06:56:00.000-07:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHH. im hurting all over. aches and muscle cramps and bone pain (!!) ARH. back from 3-day misterr kajiyama camp. ps. non-residential

nice thingy at the end of show :D

anw, many things happened; too lazy to blog. just realised tht i've been missing alot on class stuff and studies including h/w and lessons. damn it. also my social life-GONE. i practically have no life. oh and i sounded like a FREAKING MOM to moley when i told him to learn the songs. SHIT. what am i turning into? argh.

sigh. people should try stoning sometimes.i stone when i have nth to do at home. i usually realise my mistakes, whatever i did, whatever has happened to me and whatever i've lost during stoning. hahah(: that includes having a reason to smile-lost them;lost them all.

someone keeps asking me who i like and says that he/she actually knows. bt the truth is: ive lost feelings for the person i actually like. its gone, over. its amazing how waiting for too long can change the way you feel, act and talk to them. its scary how waiting for too long can leave you so depressed and your overall outcome of life--sadness. dont deny it, but we do compare our lifes with others' and realise how sad yours is . then you start to wish you had his/her life :/ and realise now, everythings gone, faded away and left you all alone with nothing inscripted within you.

~not so much of a good feeling actually.

2009-06-03T07:57:00.000-07:00

baked cookies today. so fun! hahah at nadz's grandmum's house with khai qi. me and khai qi cut the chocolate and nadzirah did the rest haha. but still if it wasnt for our chocolate cutting skills, the cookies will not turn out chocolaty. hehe :D better thank us!

:/ and still nobody cared.

2009-06-02T06:01:00.000-07:00

sometimes, whats written deep within the eyes are difficult to read. maybe because they're meant for the 'one and only'. i only can wish and hope; i dont know how to say this. but its been too much to keep, too much to control. but its ironic why im writing this here. i dont think you'll even know. we dont even see each other much. yet i still wait next to my phone, hoping it'll come. hoping and wishing; all i can do. and i fear. i fear rejection.
what happened may mean nothing to you, but it did to me; a lot in fact.
all i do, is hide behind empty hope, belief and lies within myself. that miracles do happen. that wishes and hopes could still be answered. that prayers could be heard. it never proved me right.
but i still hope; i still wish; and i still pray- because i still believe. tell me i shouldnt. tell me its useless;
i'll still bieleve. so god, please answer my prayers. please give me hope.

2009-05-31T06:34:00.000-07:00

SHUT UP. GET OVER IT. ITS LIFE.

2009-05-31T06:18:00.000-07:00

LIFE'S NOT FAIR.
we're not going for WMC. damn it//
"its called dissappiontment; get used to it."
why? why soo many of it?
why cant you give me just maybe one thing to ever look forward to?

but still we smile. we laugh. we hide behind that empty hope.
give me just one reason i should smile. just one.

here i am, still waiting, still looking, never left.

there you are, far away, vanished and dissappeared.

i still ask myself. why cant i let it go.

"who cares?" i say.

BUT each and everyone of you can look me in the eye

and tell me that "i care".

SECTION LEADER.

2009-05-19T07:38:00.000-07:00

WAH soo long nvr post. MYEs just finish. do not like my results! aaahh. anw,
the posts were announced in band today, and
section leader of trumpets: SHANNON AND ME!!

SL, not an easy job i heard. but guess what, im ready to give a try, give it my BEST for trumpets! whoa ;D!

trumpets: please keep up with us as we try to get used to this job.we will earn your respect as far as possible, but just in case, please respect us no matter how bad we do our job. please help us make this easier. we will do my best to guide, lead and be there for all of you. most of you time is spent during band, with your beloved section and im proud to see all of you love and support your section as band has been proceeding. we have about 2 months to WMC, the big thing.

im quite afraid. im afraid i screw up, afraid ill not do this well, afraid i wont be a good leader, afraid im not able to do this. but hey if they going gets hard, i have HOLEY MOLEY rite? HAHHA. soo happy he's SL with me :D! he told me ppl told him that he'll be UM! lol. i believed! stoopid me.lol.

btw, CONGRATS to those who got their desired post. and those who didnt;`its simply about being a great senior to your juniors. guide them, teach them and love them. and your existence will be treasured and youll be remembered :D k!!

heh, verry happy. at first i came to band with a damn pissed off face cause of my very damned marks.. erh. nvm. cheered up all ready! :D

~EXCITED!

2009-05-03T07:05:00.000-07:00

heyhey.

monday:
ppl ran 2.4 while me, stella, joycelyn and pohpoh play volley ball!! FUN BODOH!! i team with STELLA! then everytime we win we make new 'dance move' and if we missed a ball- "we're just testing you!" hahha. right stella? ;D

tuesday:
nothing much. chem test. 20/25 [thank you, thank you] stay back very long ler.. wah my chem marks fluctuating liao :x

wednesday:
ipw! as usual i dread myself for not choosing SABAH!! after sch: did hist sbq & stay back for geog marks!21/25[thank you, thank you again] lalala :D

thursday:
eng remedial -.- nth much//

friday:
no sch la dey!! NADZIRAH came over!! had fun talking and chatting and gossiping and complaining and laughing and lalallala!! :D always having fun with nadz! ~btw, thx for the kitkat nadz!

rest of the days>> study tv study study not.
:D

2009-04-30T06:15:00.000-07:00

EH enLARGE -ing words are FUN.

2009-04-30T06:11:00.000-07:00

hey people. sorry for not posting for soo long.. just too lazy. actually, im still LAZY! so maybe tmr or tmr tmr or tmr tmr tmr or tmr tmr tmr tmr or tmr tmr tmr tmr tmr or... you get it.. :P hehe so long! bye:D

2009-04-20T07:35:00.000-07:00

OH MY GOD!!!

today was so fun. went out with cheong min, wendy, khai qi, vinnie.

going out with CHIO BU MIN(cheong min)-she got her name because she turned when some random guy shouted "chio bu!" is so damn funny.

some quotes from the all time famous, sexy, smart CHIO BUmin:

"saying oh my god is like cursing your god" huh?? :D

"i like to go popular because its so popular" lol. i said that when i was primary 1! :D

"oh shit. where's my phone?" she said that at least 20 times when we went out with her.

"shit shit. i think A pee just came out" she said that as she crumbled to the toilet. LOL!! :D

the best; and forever will be cheong min's best favourite line:-

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HEHEHEH ;D"

IM SO HAPPY. THANKS TO HER.

and of course, wendy for always making the damn jokes. BOTH OF THEM SO FUNNY.

for a more detailed and extremely funny update

please visit w w w . -whatever wendy's blog is- .com

~beneath this fake chearful mask

2009-04-19T01:32:00.000-07:00

okay, i was wrong i shouldnt hate you. its not your fault. im just jealous. why wouldnt he like you? youre so perfect. and so is he. so a perfect guys likes the perfect girl. and im upset. wow im an idiot!

others have people to confide to, but me? no one. i have best friends, but it feels so unreal talking to them sometimes. you have so many that are willing to listen to you. but me? who ever cares abt me? he doesnt even know you and he all ready cares. i bet he doesnt know i keep staring at him. or even realise i exist. damn it. you know people that i knew longer than you, but you know them better. people i dont dare talk to, can simply ___ your ____. even during ____, youre an example. 'the person we should be' although youre _______ than us. wth.

magic.
super powers.
unicorns.
flying horses that we can sit on.
earth angels.
fairy godparents.
everyday rainbows.
bright-less sun.
dreams.
hope.
him.

everything i want but dont exist.
(theres a longer list, but its too long to fit.)

no, wendy. its not what you think it is.
in fact its not who you think it is. it no longer is, since very very very long ago.

2009-04-18T06:29:00.000-07:00

i hate this. if you didnt exist, nth like this will happen. if you didnt join the same ___ as me, i wouldnt know you. i wouldnt care. i dont want to. i shouldnt have went to this c____. then i wont know_____. then, i wouldnt care. then i wont hate you. why does it have to link? why does it have to be so complicated? its killing me. its so painful. although i just recently started psycho-ing myself to think i like him. its still irritating ok. can you pls dissappear? get lost? stupid suck up. hate you//

damn. i should really start having sensible crushes instead of the 'never EVER meant to be.'

2009-04-16T06:09:00.000-07:00

hey there. k, many things happened.

13 april:
NCC sea went for dragonboat kayaking, or something. i dont really know, i just know its a competition. i assume they didnt get what they wanted cause darren said something about failing to lead. lol cheer up man! its ok.. but i know they will get back what was theirs in the first place! rite? hahha.

15 april:
STELLA K. and her dance club. oops, i mean group! hahha. (sorry!) went for syf! she was damn nervous. hahaha, so we said gd luck and stuff.. then she left at 10. went for syf. still remember, when it was the band's turn! i felt so nervous. scared to screw up! hahha. but paid off.

16 april:
choir and drama's syf!! i dont know much abt drama, just knw that ddeeppaa is in it! hahha!
she looked happy when she came back, but i dont know much!
choir, has been practising a lot!! they definitely want their gwh! go tk choir!
**edited: choir got gwh! congrats!! :D
dance got bronze, heard a lot of them cried, but its ok, dance group! cheer up, you guys rock!

btw, wendy asked me the most random thing this morning! gosh WTH? she said abt a lot of ppl guessing! dont any how start rumor ah.. if yyou dont know ask me, but i still wont tell you hahha! LOSER. -.- no no,i change my mind. DONT BOTHER ASKING,coz i will just say i dont know.hehe. but please just DONT ASSUME even if you thing [somehow] it fits nicely with whatever you read. cause its not true! thank you!

2009-04-13T04:06:00.000-07:00

for when youre not there..
the room feels so dark and cold as i lay upon my bed
i dream of the sound of you beside me at my rest

feel the emptiness in me
tear this grief with me
listen to the silence across my mind
then tell me
have you ever longed for this lonely night?

today had a-math test! and as usual im confident in failing it! (: heheh.

boring day. had a-math supp which ended at almost 5!!!! stupid. she keep repeating everything. then left only 10 mins to go home, not like she'll fetch me home rite? gosh! (: typical________.

anw, went home with nadz,

btw have i told you how yummy apple pie is!!! damn nice la. hmm, hungry ready. CHEM test tmr!

everyday gt test sia. how i wish i could skip it like during syf season! (: but its over.. so sad.

wenhui- HELLOooo! :D :D

ananta- hi. hw to tell you, you deleted your blog rite? how come?

stella- oh.. :D hehhe.

hakim- thanks(:

vinnie- hello! :D linked!

2009-04-11T05:01:00.000-07:00

you care. you definitely care. you care so much abt her that you dont know the limit.
you care so much that you make it so damn obvious you like her. and thats just making her ego boost. damn it. i shouldnt care. i shouldnt bother. ishouldntlikeyou.

at 8AM i had e-math test. im going to fail it-.-
so today had band, quite tiring coz it was so damn hot in the morning. but better later (:
after lunch had sectionals and im so stressed cause i took such a long time to memorise the song! ah...
as if i like to slowly take my time. too bad, i fail hist for a reason!-[i cant memorise]
den stupid Richmond keep emphasizing that im fr syf and somehow i should be catching up faster, adapt faster and have super brain memory!
HOW? you tell me! HOW?urh.
and seriously rich, i think we should have sectionals! our tpts are not that gd you know, we need practice! :D
ps. sorry tpts, its necessary!

hui xun- linked! :D
hajar- helloo
wei ying- hey! ho! yo!
paul- linked!link me too. err, btw, which paul are you?

~BENEATH THIS FAKE,CHEERFUL MASK.

2009-04-09T20:42:00.000-07:00

HAPPY GOOD FRIDAY PEOPLE!!

jannah- LOL hello!
stella- HEY :Dlinked
nadzirah- your tagboard something wronglah dey! :D link me tau!
vanessa- linked! hello! :D
sarah- hi sarah! i couldnt find your tagboard, link me!
han yan- hello! linked! :D
zhi hui- HELLO! i still cant beleive youre taller than me! :D --linked!
shi chun- HELLO! :D
wendy- !! i cannot find your tagboard! hahhaa! where isit? link me k! :D

2009-04-09T07:03:00.001-07:00

hi shannon are looking at my blog?

2009-04-09T06:37:00.000-07:00

FINALLY! i made a blog! :X

hahah! inspired by wendy who amazingly has a blog!
OH! CHEONG MIN too! wow! :D